I was that quit child, a dreamer they called me. I remember believing and visioning a world where there was no war, no anger, no suffering, only love. My parents divorced when I was 11 years old. My mom started a new relationship and now my sister and I found ourselves with three steph brothers and their father in a new city. I loved our new home (which later became my home; again housing seven people). 
School has always been a struggle for me, i didn't get why I could not just only do what I loved doing and scip the parts that didn't suite me. The (limited) beliefs of society made me feel stuck. It didn't felt true that happiness was something we achieve by working hard and do as others do. Most adults didn't seem happy to me.

I loved drawing lessons as well as history and geography. So I decided to sign up for a school with as many creative faculties and almost no theory as possible; I learned branding, decorating and to conceptualize my ideas into an offering. After these four years I decided in the final sign up days before the new season to join art academy. I didn't felt like working yet, or ever to honost, so this could postpone the beginning of a grownup life and it felt like freedom, expansion. 

During those four years I could really explore my thought processes and turn into matter, without having it to be a final product, I joint the most autonome academy of the netherlands in that time. The journey of the process was what counted the most; not how the end result would look like. It made me for the first time question if what I was exploring actually brought me a sense of understanding.

My main quest has always been how to be happy. Am I even permitted to be happy, while so many people on earth are suffering?

I met someone who spoke to my deeper layers. We talked for hours and enjoyed being together. He became the father of my five children and we had a 25 years relationship filt with lots of happy memories, growing together and alongside each other.
The birth of my first daughter initiated a whole new phase of my inner journey. For the first three months I still worked as a graphic designer for magazines, but soon I felt drowned by being a mother, wanting to create a slow, joyful home filled with the smell of fresh baked bread. I hated it to bring her to daycare; I wanted to be there when she discovered the world. Besides; I had so many creative ideas and wanted to explore selling my bagg designs and designing logo's and branding for starting businesses. 
I quit my job and started to feel a sense of purpose through being a mother, making our house a happy place and sewing weekend baggs, nursing baggs. I would place them on the online market place and created my first bloggpage to express more of my inner journey through writing. It helped me answer questions about purpose. It gave me permission to wonder, to dream again. I felt seen, even when there was nobody reading. 
I started to make little adjustments in my daily life that felt nourishing for my well being, like more rest, less party, more whole foods, less sugar. While my husband started making carrier, we decided to try for another child. 

The birth of my first son brought a whole new layer inside of me to light. He wasn't that easily comforted as my daughter was. He became what I called my mirror child. I dived into the present child method, which actually showed me that he mirrored my shadow; the things and questions I rather kept buried. Intuively I started to do inquiry on the uncomfortable feelings by paying attention to the felt sense in those very moments that where the most challenging. Through being still longer and writing I started connecting with my inner child. I learned to stay in connection with situations and started feeling space to choose another reaction.